Dear God, Why Can't I Have a Baby?
Out of all the posts I have written, I never ask you guys for anything...not even comments! :) But, I consider this post one of the most important ones I've ever written and ask that you share the link to it with your friends or family members that are going through the heartbreaking journey of infertility. (And make sure you comment--yes, I went and asked for comments!--because I'm giving away a copy of the book "Dear God, Why Can't I Have a Baby!" See the bottom of this post for the details.)
It was the fall of 2006 and I had just returned from maternity leave and was working with author Janet Thompson on the publicity for her book "Dear God, They Say It's Cancer." (Which is a great book for those with the unfortunate diagnosis of breast cancer.) As I got to know Janet better and as things settled down publicity-wise, she shared with me her idea for her next book about infertility. She was having trouble coming up with a title that started with "Dear God" (which she wanted so that it would match her other book) and I threw out "Dear God, Why Can't I Have a Baby?" because I was fresh from the experience of asking God that question pretty much daily for a year and a half. She loved it! I was passionate about this topic and it became my personal mission at work to make sure we published it.
Fast forward to the summer of 2007 and Janet and I sat down for breakfast in Atlanta while we were there to attend the International Christian Retail Show. Janet wanted me to share our infertility story so she could include it in the book, along with many other couples' stories. So, over a quick breakfast (because nothing can ever be done at a leisurely pace at a trade show!), I shared our story and gave Janet permission to use whatever parts of it she wanted to.
At work, I was still petitioning to the Book Review Committee on her behalf because I knew this book was the book I searched for during my journey and never found. I knew this book would have been a huge comfort to me and that it would be a huge comfort and help to others too. I knew the statistics and kept sharing them: 1 out of every 10 couples in U.S. are infertile (meaning they've tried unsuccessfully for a year to get pregnant), which basically means more than 6 million people encounter problems conceiving and bearing a child. (Facts are from the American Fertility Association.) Six million people! Yet the Book Review Committee at Howard Books was made up mostly of men, and their wives hadn't struggled with infertility, so they ultimately passed on publishing this book because they didn't think there was a wide-enough audience. It made me mad because out of every book I've ever worked on, this one book that I never got to work on is the one that I was and still am the most passionate about. Janet didn't give up, though, and kept tirelessly submitting proposals to other publishers and keeping me updated on her progress as we worked on another book of hers.
In 2007, I was driving to work and heard Drew Cline (who at the time was the lead singer for NewSong) and his wife, Lori, (all you Springhill people who might not be able to place them, this is Philip Carroll's daughter and son-in-law) on the local Christian radio station in West Monroe talking about their infertility journey (among other things). I told Janet about the interview and tracked down Drew's email and was able to connect the two, which led to Drew writing the foreword for the book. At this point, Howard had passed, yet I still felt so strongly about the need for this book to get into the hands of hurting women (and men), that I kept rooting for Janet and it.
As you all know by reading past posts, major changes happened at Howard Books in 2009 and I left the Christian publishing industry. I never stopped thinking about that book, though, and wondering if Janet ever found a publisher. This past fall, Janet tracked me down on Facebook and shared the wonderful news that she had found a publisher (which coincidentally Howard's ex-VP of Sales and ex-Sales Manager now work for) and the book that had been so many years in the making would release in April 2011.
So, five paragraphs of background story later, I'm here to tell you that this week, "Dear God, Why Can't I Have a Baby?" was released. (The fact that this book was so many years in the making seems apropos, don't you think? I'm sure Janet may have been asking, "Dear God, Why Can't I Get a Publisher!" As I'm sure most people who are on the other side of an infertility journey will agree, it happened all in God's perfect timing!)Each year that goes by since Juliette has been born, the reality of our problems conceiving her seem to slip a little further away and some of the details are a little fuzzy since I haven't talked about it in so long. It's not intentional because I do want to remember that time...mainly for the incredibly hard lessons I learned involving giving up control and God's perfect timing. I don't ever want to forget those! I've never blogged our story and don't tell it much because I still feel "unqualified" sometimes, considering that so many couples out there suffered much longer than we did and have even lost precious babies. For those of you reading this that that applies to (and you know who you are...and shoot, I'm tearing up just thinking about you guys!), before I share my story and one of the favorite parts that Janet shared of it in her book, please know that the reason my story is in here is only because I happen to be in the right place at the right time and that I still feel our journey pales in comparison to yours and I will ALWAYS admire the way you have shown strength in the face of it all!
I got a copy of the book yesterday and immediately went through it in search of my name. I know that sounds so vain, but other than getting thanked in some authors' acknowledgments over the years, this is the first and probably the only time something of mine will be in print! It was actually kind of a weird experience to read what I had shared with Janet so long ago, as I really couldn't remember all of it and because I had given my blessing on whatever she wanted to share, I had no clue what exactly she did share. She shared bits and pieces of my story (as well as others) throughout the book, so it's not just in one spot. This one is my favorite one of what she shared:
(click to make this picture larger if you are having trouble reading it)Now, for the really good part, I'm giving away a copy of this book! All you have to do is leave a comment (even just one saying "I want to win!" or "I want to win it for someone else" will do and since I always alert my Facebook friends when I have a new post up, you can comment either here or there). I'll choose a winner on Monday, so if you don't know me (if you are someone that is a friend of a friend or something like that), please make sure you leave an email so I can contact you for your address.
For those of you in the midst of struggling with infertility, I pray this book is a comfort to you! If you are interested in purchasing it, you can click on the book cover above and it will take you to Amazon where you can read the description and see excerpts from the book.
16 comments
Melissa, Melissa --- I have no words to express how I feel right now ---- I think you will know. Keep writing. Keep writing.....
ReplyDeleteMelissa I love u so much and I know what women go through not being able to get pregnant u get in this state of wondering why God let people have kids that doesn't even deserve them I tell everyone Austin is my miracle child that I waited on for six years!!!!
ReplyDeleteMelissa, this sounds like a wonderful book. It is so great that you felt so passionate about it that you continued to root for and help the author. I recently found a book that I love that is not quite about the same topic but it is about having babies. In it, the author and his wife counsel couples to not wait until 'the right time' to have children due to the overwhelming statistics about fertility. This view sounds backward and outdated to many, and they are quick to admit it wasn't how they felt either at first.
ReplyDeleteI know most of my friends who have infertility problems don't owe their troubles to waiting too long, but I do agree that it is risky to wait until after college and then a career is well established, then a nest egg is built to then think of starting a family. Often by then, a woman's fertile years are mostly gone.
Anyway, the book is titled Start Your Family: Inspiration For Having Babies by Steve and Candice Watters (just in case you were interested) I love the book because I see a lack of encouragement (to put it nicely) especially past a certain number of babies and I think all the words in this book apply to your second or third child and so on.
Anyway, if I win your book, I have a friend I can pass it on to, though she will become a mommy next month finally to two ethiopian babies. YAY!
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteI never knew of the amazing journey you and matt went through to conceive your precious Juiette but it was amazing to read this part of you. Now I think I know why I always thought Julliette was so amazing and her personality was always contagious in class. Im so glad your family was a part of my Kindermusik Family and I wish you all the happiness in the world. Give Juliette a hug for me!!!
I would love to pass this book on to a wonderful friend of mine who had two failed IVF treatments (one in miscarriage, the other ectopic). She is now 6 weeks pregnant after a third IVF. It has been incredible to see her journey and her faith in God through this entire process.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog from Kelly's Korner and I would love to win this book. My husband and I have been dealing with infertility for over two years and would love some fresh wisdom and inspiration. mattyerika AT gmail DOT com
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for posting this! My husband and I have been struggling with fertility for over 9 1/2 years. It is nice to read about other's struggles, it gives us hope! I can't wait to read about your story. May God continue to bless you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sending me this way! This book sounds like it would be a great read since I'm in the midst of infertility right now (8 years and counting, ugh!).
ReplyDeleteI was on Kelly's Korner today looking through the links showing what people are reading. We are in the middle of our own infertility journey right now (going on two years). Needless to say, my eyes focused on the title of your link.It sounds like it would be a good read...one that will provide hope. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI saw your link on Kelly's Korner and the title caught my eye as it is something I myself have asked a time or two. Thank you so much for sharing
ReplyDeleteWe are struggling with the infertility battle and I would love to read this book. Thanks for the opportunity!
ReplyDeleteMelissa,
ReplyDeleteJohn and I tried actively (and sometimes wonder if we're still "trying" still) for four + years. We are parents, but have never conceived. I've felt the love of a child, but I've never felt the child grow inside my womb. I've experienced the joy of the first steps, but have never heard the first heartbeat.
I've read book after book over the years for Christians suffering from infertility. Even now, although my heart is full of love for our adopted sons, I still wonder, "why?"
Choose who you will for this book. It will be a great gift to someone! Thanks for sharing your story, too!
This post was written in 2011, but if you are coming over from Kelly's Korner Blog, I'll be happy to draw for another winner from any recent comments (those posted in 2014).
ReplyDeleteHi there...I came upon your blog via KKB's SUYL. I would love a copy of the book.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to enter if you do another drawing :)
ReplyDeleteLogans dad and I struggled for five years before we had Logan. It is very painful and exhausting.
ReplyDeleteLaurie LaCombe
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